CNN: now available in S, M, L, XL, and XXL

Rat rides on cat riding on dog.

"Very excitable virgins" dominate town.

Denied exit, child uses lunch box as toilet.

Stephen King, bikinis help heat Maine.

These are actual CNN headlines.

And now you can get CNN headlines made into a t-shirt.

Maybe writing headlines for CNN is the way to go. It's probably easier getting hired there than The Onion.